Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Pokepram Go

I was pushing my buggy across the road today behind a woman of pensionable age.

She spotted a friend on the other side and slowed down to say hello, so I started to turn down the street to avoid crashing into them.

But just as I turned, she stepped in the same direction and I clipped the very edge of the back of her enormous, padded orthopaedic trainers, ever so slightly.

As soon as it happened I stopped, gasped and began gushing my apologies.

I'd only got as far as, "I am SO sorry! I ...", when she flashed a look of daggers - all rage, no pain - that left me feeling far more maimed than she appeared, and snapped, "Yes, okay. It's just I've got a bad foot." And she turned and carried on chatting to her pal.

"Oh, forgive me! You see, I regularly go about trying to mow down old ladies with a pushchair. But if I'd known you had a bad foot I would have steered clear and chosen another victim."

So in honour of that very kind and empathetic old dear, I am launching a new app - Pokepram Go (Kickstarter campaign to follow shortly).

It is a virtual game played in the real world, whereby you score points for running into people with your pram or buggy.

Here are the top Pokepram Point Scorers:

::Little old ladies - 500 points

::Little old ladies with bad feet - 1000 points

::Business people who don't hold doors open or even bother to offer helping with steps because their job is clearly much more important than yours - 500 points

::People who walk really slowly because they are using their phones and keep slowing down, making it near impossible not to run into them - 100 points

::Parents who do not make space for a second buggy on buses (Come one, we know you can sometimes fit three at a push!) - 800 points

::Teenagers who crowd together on the pavement and pretend not to notice you trying to get by - 500 points

::People who block the whole aisle in supermarkets with their trolley - 800 points

::Shoppers who look irritated with you for even daring to try and push a buggy around a clothes shop - 1000 points

::Bus drivers who wait at stops and then drive off just as they see you running towards them, pushing your pram with one hand, while desperately trying to flag them down with the other - 1,000,000 points

Did I miss any?

Buggies at the ready parents. Got to catch 'em all!
The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback


  1. LOL! Hilarious. If only you knew someone in tech to develop this, I think you'd have a big hit on your hands!


  2. Dog walkers who let their dogs get under the wheels. People who ignore you on the tube! I don't miss the pushchair days! Thanks for linking up with #chucklemums lovely xx

  3. I LOVE this idea!! I'd happily come on board if you need a business partner!! I'd spend hours a day playing this game, it's got winner written all over it. I got to the point where I was frightened to go out, due to the lack of tolerance for my pushchair. This was at its worst in the days I had a large side by side double. Then I went from being frightened, with constant apologies, to being actually p****d off with humanity for being so cruel, and lacking in empathy. I took on an awful man in a coffee shop who refused to move to let me get my pushchair past ('I come here to get away from people like you') was what he actually said. It resulted in a stand off which my dad (luckily coming to meet me there,) had to get involved in, with the use of swear words to get the man to move his leg the 50cm required for me to get by. I made a 'what the bloody hell is wrong with you people?' remark, when I was huffed at for simply saying 'excuse me' in the card shop, and in tesco. And my finest moment involved a group of teenagers walking at me, showing no sign that they were going to part. I just carried on walking, and so did they, and two of them fell over because they actually ploughed into my pushchair during their pathetic attempt at playing chicken. I really enjoyed swearing at them to tell them how actually ridiculous they were. I've totally lost any tolerance for these members of society now!! That old lady with the 'bad' foot shall be top of my hit list with your new game!!

  4. Get in touch with a developer, this is a million dollar idea haha! How about cars parked over half the pavement because their drivers are too effing lazy to park properly and walk to their house rendering it impossible to use the pavement?? #chucklemums

  5. Genius. I would totally play this game, and like my friends who play Pokemon Go, I would make it a bar hopping drinking game that includes real life push chairs (no babies) and loads of shots. Or maybe glasses of prosecco, that seems a bit classier, people might get offended by a pack of mums getting drunk on the town. ; ) Also what is wrong with these old ladies? They are such bitches to me on the bus, and obviously to other mums just strolling about their own business. Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #StayClassyMama!