Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Pokepram Go

I was pushing my buggy across the road today behind a woman of pensionable age.

She spotted a friend on the other side and slowed down to say hello, so I started to turn down the street to avoid crashing into them.

But just as I turned, she stepped in the same direction and I clipped the very edge of the back of her enormous, padded orthopaedic trainers, ever so slightly.

As soon as it happened I stopped, gasped and began gushing my apologies.

I'd only got as far as, "I am SO sorry! I ...", when she flashed a look of daggers - all rage, no pain - that left me feeling far more maimed than she appeared, and snapped, "Yes, okay. It's just I've got a bad foot." And she turned and carried on chatting to her pal.

"Oh, forgive me! You see, I regularly go about trying to mow down old ladies with a pushchair. But if I'd known you had a bad foot I would have steered clear and chosen another victim."

So in honour of that very kind and empathetic old dear, I am launching a new app - Pokepram Go (Kickstarter campaign to follow shortly).

It is a virtual game played in the real world, whereby you score points for running into people with your pram or buggy.

Here are the top Pokepram Point Scorers:

::Little old ladies - 500 points

::Little old ladies with bad feet - 1000 points

::Business people who don't hold doors open or even bother to offer helping with steps because their job is clearly much more important than yours - 500 points

::People who walk really slowly because they are using their phones and keep slowing down, making it near impossible not to run into them - 100 points

::Parents who do not make space for a second buggy on buses (Come one, we know you can sometimes fit three at a push!) - 800 points

::Teenagers who crowd together on the pavement and pretend not to notice you trying to get by - 500 points

::People who block the whole aisle in supermarkets with their trolley - 800 points

::Shoppers who look irritated with you for even daring to try and push a buggy around a clothes shop - 1000 points

::Bus drivers who wait at stops and then drive off just as they see you running towards them, pushing your pram with one hand, while desperately trying to flag them down with the other - 1,000,000 points

Did I miss any?

Buggies at the ready parents. Got to catch 'em all!
The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback